15 Best 'Onion' Headlines
#14 "Future U.S. History Students: 'It's Pretty Embarassing How Long You Guys Took To Legalize Gay Marriage"
The Onion has their finger on the pulse, and as in headlines such as this, this press their fingers into society's neck a little. Just enough to make it squirm.
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15:
"World's Largest Metaphor Hits Iceberg"
An absolute colossus of a headline, The Onion dipped into the past better than anybody. This one is right out of the great anthology collection: Our Dumb Century.
14:
"Future U.S. History Students: 'It's Pretty Embarassing How Long You Guys Took To Legalize Gay Marriage"
The Onion has their finger on the pulse, and as in headlines such as this, this press their fingers into society's neck a little. Just enough to make it squirm.
13:
"Area Man Good For Economy"
The Onion's famed Area Man has been at the center of many a news spotlight. This one is ripped out of the financial section.
12:
"Man Wakes Up From Bender With Financial Problems Solved"
Even in jest, The Onion seems to understand our deepest desires and yearnings.
11:
"Chicago Cubs Can't Believe They're Doing This Again"
You would think The Onion would lay off a target as easy as The Cubbies. But no, they have no shame. And we should all be thankful they don't.
10:
"Sparrow Aviation Administration Blames Collision On Failure to Detect Pane Of Glass"
Even the flora and fauna of this world aren't exempt from the satirical wrath of lean, mean Onion folk.
9:
"Bush Urges Nation To Be Quiet For A Minute While He Tries To Think"
For many, making fun of the presidency is like shooting fish in a barrel. This is no different for The Onion.
8:
"Nations Shudders At Large Block Of Uninterrupted Text"
A periodical that has easily survived the print-to-digital age, The Onion understood where we are now, as a literate nation.
7:
"EPA Shuts Down Local Ghost-Entrapment Business."
Amazing article detailing Walter Peck's travails in trying to deal with those pesky Ghostbusters.
6:
"Nuclear Threat Still 'Very Real,' Says Muhammed Ali"
And then, of course, The Onion is capable of the randomest of random. The sheer absurdity of this headline makes you chuckle before even processing it
5:
"U.S. Economy Grinds To Halt As Nation Realizes Money Just a Symbolic, Mutually Shared Illusion."
Sometimes The Onion's comic touch is so hysterically profound it can summarize the grandest of human perils in a concise boldface.
4:
"Christ Returns To NBA"
The Onion's sports coverage has been unparallelled. As has their religion coverage. Here, the two are combined for maximum hilarity.
3:
"Pudding Factory Disaster Brings Slow, Creamy Death To Town Below"
Nobody satirizes the very concept of death better than the boys and gals over at "America's Finest News Source."
2:
"Study: Dolphins Not So Intelligent On Land"
This instant classic from this year is characteristically hilarious. And they've had more than one great dolphin-themed headline.
1:
"Drugs Win Drug War"
This 1998 headline summed up the success of the anti-drug movement perfectly.
